


Disney Princess Fairytale Flakes

by chocolatedisco



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-19
Updated: 2011-07-19
Packaged: 2017-10-21 13:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatedisco/pseuds/chocolatedisco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Dave go grocery shopping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disney Princess Fairytale Flakes

**Author's Note:**

> Shitty pointless drabbles 4eva
> 
> Disclaimer: my own eating habits are fucked up beyond recognition, so I have no idea what people buy when they go grocery shopping.

Your name is John Egbert, and it's a good thing you have mangrit to spare. As skinny as Dave is, he's still pretty heavy when he hops into your shopping cart for "irony purposes". You're pretty sure he just likes making people give him weird looks. And that he's a lazy jerk. But you don't mind. What are friends for, if not chauffeuring their lazy jerk friends around the grocery store?

Okay, maybe under normal circumstances you might tell him to get his scrawny ass out of your cart because food goes in carts and Dave asses do not. But you are a little nervous! After all, you and Dave are roommates now. It's not that you're worried about making him mad. You have all the faith in the pure and true friendlove you share! All of it! You just don't want to make him feel like he can't be himself now that you’re living together. So you’ll allow Dave’s ass in your cart if that is what Dave’s ass’ heart is telling him to do.

Being a brand new college student, you are not yet aware that you will be far too exhausted to actually cook most nights, and as such, you head for the produce section to see what looks nice. You scope some choice eggplant, selecting a few and turning around to put them in the cart, but you get a bit distracted by the way Dave is looking around perplexed, like he's never seen any of this stuff before.

...Come to think of it, maybe he hasn't. "These are called fruits and vegetables, Dave! I know it all seems new to you, but you know that drink you like, apple juice? Those red things over there are called apples. That's what they make your juice from!"

"Well shit, thanks John. Haven't even been to my first class and I'm learning already. Just how many degrees is this guy going to get?" he speaks, his voice even but a small smile lurking at the edge of his mouth, a smile you don’t think will ever stop making your heart soar a little. You’ve always known that Dave is a big friendly dork underneath all that cool guy crap, but seeing the evidence of it is exhilarating in a way you never expected. You can’t wait to find a way to make him _laugh_.

“You are gonna get so many food degrees, Dave. By final exams, you might actually have gained a pound or two,” you laugh, beginning to gather the ingredients for, among other dishes, your dad’s eggplant curry. You don’t make it quite as well as he does, but it is probably your favourite. Where better to start?

...Okay, it is also extremely spicy, which ought to win you a nice chunk of the Prankster’s Gambit from Mr. Microwave Burritos down there. Hehehe. You’ll buy a nice big jug of milk for him.

Your produce all gathered up, you locate the spices; he raises an eyebrow when you toss him the chili powder, but you must be as cool as it isn’t, because he doesn’t raise any objections. Milk, cereal (Honey Nut Cheerios for you, Disney Princess Fairytale Flakes for Dave), bread, lunch meat, coffee, apple juice (in individual bottles), pasta, microwave burritos... Your cart gets a little fuller with every aisle you go down, burying Dave deeper and deeper underneath groceries until nothing but his knees, arms, and head are sticking out; you pull out your phone to take a picture for Rose and Jade, and he makes a peace sign, making you giggle at just the wrong moment and forcing a retake.

You make your way to the checkout, and the cashier gives Dave a withering glare. “What, never seen a kid riding in the cart before?” he asks, and the cashier just sighs and gets scanning. It’s quick work, with Dave handing you the groceries so you can place them on the belt, and before you know it, the cart is empty. Grinning, you reach down into the cart, lifting Dave up and turning around to hold him towards the belt; you weren’t really going to put him on it, but the cashier’s gaze being turned on you makes you put him down as fast as you can. He’s smiling again though, so you figure it was worth it.

“Shit, I missed something,” he says, reaching back into the cart for something and thrusting it into your hands. Cardboard though it may be, you can’t help but feel that it scorches your fingers; there’s a feeling of recognition in your gut, but you are no fool, and you know how easily vigilance can become paranoia. You risk a downward glance to confirm your fears, and recoil in horror: _Betty Crocker_  SuperMoist® Cake Mix. _Devil’s food indeed._

You throw the box right in Dave’s smug jerk face. Clearly he does not understand the gravity of the situation. “How did you get this? We didn’t even go down the aisle with cake mix!”

“Shenanigans,” he smirks. You pick the box up off the ground and throw it in his face again; he catches it as it falls this time.

“Put it back while I pay. I am going to make you sign a roommate agreement. It will say that the penalty for trying to aid the Batterwitch in her foul deeds is death.” Dave lets out a chuckle as he strolls off with the box in hand; you’re a little distressed that he’s finding mirth in your one hundred percent serious death threats, but a laugh’s a laugh. You’ll take it.

You haven’t bought your books yet, so this is the most money you’ve ever spent on a single purchase. Sure, it’s for both you and Dave, but all the same, it’s a little intimidating! You are probably some kind of adult now. Your dad’s heart must be swelling with pride.

Dave returns sans cake mix most foul and helps you load the bags into the cart, actually using his legs to walk alongside you as you return to his shitty car, and he helps you yet again as you move everything into the trunk. He is probably trying to make up for the cake mix. What a sweetheart.

You return the cart because your dad taught you to always return the cart, and give Dave a big smile once you sit down in the passenger seat. “I still can’t believe we’re really doing this.”

“We’re really making this happen,” he replies like it’s a reflex, and you groan. You wonder if he will ever stop quoting the ironic shitty comic he made when he was thirteen. His last words will probably be “the death ruse is a distaction” or something equally terrible. You guess it is kind of endearing in a way, but you were trying to initiate a serious discussion about how awesome it is to finally be with him and be able to do silly stuff like grocery shopping together.

“I was trying to initiate a serious discussion about how awesome it is to finally be with you and be able to do silly stuff like grocery shopping together,” you tell him.

“Sounds boring,” he replies. Pretending he doesn’t have any such feelings is unacceptable to you. So you do what anyone would: lean over and peck him on the cheek. He turns approximately the same colour as his text, and that’s all the feelings confirmation you need. You buckle up, feeling rather pleased with yourself as he starts the car. You hate to say it, but you really are making this happen.


End file.
